This is a touchy topic that usually involves those three Ls.
My first year playing abroad was in Israel. It was my first time in a long time that I was so far away from friends and family. Luckily I had a friend who I knew from my college playing days . We played in the same conference and we’d become friends. She was a year ahead of me and after college she went abroad to play ball. And after I graduated we just happened to end up in the same league in Israel.
In a land of unfamiliarity it was nice to see a face that was familiar. It helped me feel more at ease, more comfortable. I felt like I could be myself around her even on foreign lands. Naturally, we were drawn to each other. After about two months passed she confessed her feelings towards me. I was hesitant. But it felt right. We fell in love and a four year relationship was had. My longest one to this day.
And what happened in between those four years? A lot of moving. A lot readjusting. After our season together we moved back to the U.S. and lived together in Minnesota, her hometown, for the summer. The next season I went to play in Romania. She went back to play in Israel. We kept the relationship going. Meeting up when we could. At times it was beautiful, we would take these mini-romantic journeys together in amazing cities. Then that next summer we lived together in Atlanta. The next season I went to play in Switzerland. And she went to play in Romania, the country I’d played in the year before.
Of course all relationships are hard. But it’s even harder with all the uprooting and moving around and uncertainty. Stability is hard to find for most overseas athletes. And truthfully towards the end of our time together, I was having some doubts about my sexuality. I was still learning who I was. And then you sprinkle in the usual trust issues (it’s no secret that a lot of athletes like to partake in the offerings which often come frequently and easily) and there was a lot to work through. More than the average relationship for sure.
When we fell out and things broke off we both jumped into new situations with teammates. And at least for myself, I can see now that I was trying to deal with being alone, dealing with the fact that I had gone through a breakup overseas which made me feel more isolated. This one didn’t last long. I hate to admit it but I know it was more about convenience than it was about love.
I’ve also dealt with the girl who is bi and doesn’t really want to be with a girl but because you’re limited to your options overseas you just go along with it. Again, it’s something convenient. And fun. That is until you both go back home and reality sets in and they’re done with their “phase.” Us full time girls can definitely get hurt by part time girls. I know that happens to non-overseas athletes too but a lot of the times for us it hurts more.
I’ve also had my share of Europeans hit on me. Some non-American players will look at us with a lot of intrigue and interest because to them we’re foreign, exotic, we’re often taller and stronger. And a lot of us are Black. They want a taste! Of course, some Americans use that to their advantage.
But it’s definitely a circle. A small one, of people that have messed around with each other. But again, I think the underlining themes are loneliness and convenience and those things can sometimes distort our sense of reality. And we become more sensitive to the things around us. Like oh this player is always around me, this player just cooked for me, this player is hitting me up to eat, hitting me up every day. And so it can feel like someone is investing a lot of time, attention and care in you. But then again you start wondering do they really feel things about me or are we just lonely? It’s easy to exist in a little bubble you create for yourself.
In the end though, most of us just want some form of human connection. I’ve been told that I come off guarded or intimidating. But on the inside, I’m a softy. I love to cuddle. I’m a touchy feely person so it’s not just about sex for me. Most of the time I just want that touch, hug or we can chill and kick it, spend quality time.
It might not make a lot of sense for people who haven’t been there cause it’s like well you have your team and your teammates, how can you be lonely? But it’s a loneliness in the sense of someone understanding you, trusting you, having people you can confide in or even want to just be yourself with. Your guard is up most of the time. So when little things happen like someone you like over here doesn’t text you back or they cancel a lunch, it might hurt more because your sensitivity levels are on a higher level. It’s easy to become co-dependent over here.
Now don’t get me wrong. Love can happen. Some do find their life partners. Some get married, have families, get new passports. Create new lives. It definitely happens. And if you’ve found it or do find it I would love to hear how you did it and hear about your experiences. I definitely don’t want to block any blessings that may come my way but I sometimes find myself being more guarded as the years go by. Not because I want to but because I feel like I have to.
(Then there’s a whole different side over here. Like players messing with upper management of the teams. Like coaches, GMs or presidents. It’s a wild open world over here. But we’re not going to get into all that today though.)
*** Always want to hear your thoughts and experiences too. Feel free to leave a comment below or to hit me up on IG or Twitter. It’s all about sharing and building a community. ***
